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Wilderness Walking

                    The tickets arrived by certified mail.  I quickly signed my name and ripped open the envelope. 

            There they were!  

            The most beautiful tickets I had ever seen.

            The most expensive tickets we had ever purchased for a single outdoor event. 

            I couldn’t wait to tell anyone who would listen, where we were going, what great seats we would have, and how I would be counting down the days. 

            It wasn’t long before I was counting all the things that were going wrong.  I should have seen the warning signs, and got prayed up and prepared, especially after the computer crashed in the middle of the ticket purchase.  But I had such tunnel vision, I couldn’t even entertain the thought, that this might not turn out the way I had always dreamed.

            There were dress disasters, last-minute mail-order obstacles, alteration emergencies, work deadlines, a medical scare…even a death… and our family’s stress level was at peak performance.

            But the clock kept ticking, the days flew by and it was finally time to go. We got there and found our section but for some strange reason we couldn’t find those great seats.  We called for help and a young sales attendant was more than happy to tell us, “Oh your seats are inside.  You will be watching on a television monitor.”

            I don’t mind telling you.  I am still such a big baby with so much more work for God to do in me, that this little piece of information brought me to my knees in what Oprah Winfrey would describe as “The Ugly Cry.”  Forget that I was in the process of reading a Priscilla Shirer book about wilderness walking.  This just can’t be happening…not now…not to me…not this event.  This is too big…too important…I had waited too long.  “I’ve given up other dreams, not this one, PLEASE God.”

            Priscilla Shirer pops back into my head. 

            Book: One in a Million

            Chapter: Six

            Title: “Why Me“

            Quote:“Do we want the Promise Giver, or do we just want the Promised Land?”           

            Truthfully? Right  now?  THE PROMISED LAND!  I know that’s wrong.  I know that is not the answer God is looking for…but this is THE Promised Land…this is THE KENTUCKY DERBY!  This is for my 50th birthday.  The Bucket List.  The #1 request before I die. 

            My husband, soul-mate and the one who keeps me accountable, reminds me God has a plan.  I don’t really want to hear that…I just want this fixed because this HAS to be some sort of mistake.  He makes calls, lots of calls. And finally a nice sales supervisor explains that these are some of the most desirable seats in Churchill Downs.  “Yeah, sure they are,” I mumble through another wave of tears. 

            But wait a second; my husband is starting to smile.  Hold the phone.  It seems God does have a plan.  You know He always does.

            Fast forward my puffy face to race day.

            A guest services guide, who was so sorry we were disappointed with the tickets, got special permission to take us up to the roof for the coveted Twin Spires photo.  Thinking back, it was the one thing I had wished to come away with but had been told it would be impossible to get. 

            While the people from the outside, sitting in cold metal folding chairs, were coming in to fight the crowd inside, standing in line for an hour just to place a bet, getting food and trying to find a place to sit…we had plenty of room in our secured area, no lines, high back cushioned desk chairs and tables.  There were giant television monitors where we could watch all the action up close until post time when we walked outside to overlook the finish line and watch the race from the clubhouse balcony . 

            But because of what seemed like a dream day disaster, we met and became fast friends with the ushers, the tellers and the security guards as the “human factor” of  this famous “horse” race began to come into focus.  I love how God works all things for good, how he has his hand on us when we don’t even know it.  But I hate, hate, hate how I always seem to require a painful wilderness walk before I can let God do what God does when what He has planned is far more significant and so much more than expected.

Isaiah 49: 15-16 NIV 

I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;

 

James 1:17-18 NKJV

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of  lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.  Of his own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of His creatures. 

I still can’t believe I stood there…three floors above the finish line…an ultimate dream come true.

 

 

 

Psalm 20:4 NKJV

May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose. 

To my dad, aunt, husband, son and friends who were dragged along with me on this particular wilderness walk…I concede I am still a work in progress.  I hope by confessing my fleshly failings I have in no way diminished real world problems that I know are far more significant than a birthday bucket wish. 

 

© Copyright 2011, KeziahCarrie.  All Rights Reserved

 

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Enlightenment, Entertainment, Inspirational, Truth, Women

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The Hoy-tee Toy-tee Ducks of Green Hills

          An empty day on the calendar usually has a way of making me feel a little uneasy.  Since it’s such a rare occurrence, I guess I’m not always sure what to do about it.  I’m a detail person, a scheduler and a list maker, who operates best with a pre-set outline of obtainable goals.

          So, after a hectic week working on an impending deadline, Thursday rolls around and, all of a sudden, there is nothing to do.  I know, I know, how does that happen?  Well, it doesn’t happen very often, so this time — instead of allowing any anxiety to surface — I decide to see it as a sign, a gift from God if you will.  After all, I have been working really hard. So, Carpe diem, I seize the day!

            I start with a cardio spin class because, at my age, exercise is a blessing to my cholesterol loving heart.  I follow it with an endurance class, just to prove to myself that I can still endure it!  Then I think. “Oh, what the heck,” and head for a Yoga class so my sore body can ask my mind why I did the first two classes when I had a whole day with nothing to do. 

            I’m not sure what I was thinking when I took THREE classes, back to back, but I finally got to the coveted corpse pose.  It’s the grand finale when you just lie there like you’re dead.  It’s the one position you wish could last a little longer… okay a lot longer.  I was in some sort of semi-sleep zone and not at all ready to leave.  But, once people around you start rolling up their mats, and the senior center folks push past you for their place in the next class, well, it’s a little hard to nap.

            Reluctantly, I grab my stuff and walk out into a breezy but sunny 72 degree day.  I find an outdoor café serving rosemary grilled chicken with roasted asparagus.  I savor each herbal flavor, while simultaneously watching all the wonderful people walking by just doing what they do and going where they go. 

            My Thursday in heaven could have ended right then and there!

            However… walking back to my car I notice a creek I must have driven over a dozen times, but never really saw before, at least not like I was seeing it now.  There is a shade tree, a big ole rock large enough to sit on, a tiny little water fall…and here I am just wondering, what exactly did I do, to deserve a day like this, when the rest of the world is still at work.  It doesn’t seem fair.

            Seriously, I should feel guilty, but I don’t.  

            It helps when I see three little ducks swimming in the creek and think, as blessed as I am at this very moment, it is only right for me to “pay it forward”. 

            I check my purse… Cinnamon Altoids…hmmm, probably shouldn’t try that…coffee candy…won’t work…a miniature dark chocolate peanut butter cup…if it’s not good for dogs, it’s probably not a good idea for ducks.  Then it occurs to me, there is still a breakfast biscuit from a quick stop market wasting away in the car.  You know the kind…two bites and um, not so hungry.  I run over to the car, pick it up and wait for the ducks to dash back to my little outdoor sanctuary.  I toss a piece of bread into the creek…and nothing happens.  I toss another piece…they don’t even look.  I take a few steps in their direction.  The ducks eye me suspiciously, and nothing.  Okay… I give it one last try.  Another hard crumb causes ripples in the water, but they arrogantly turn their backs. 

            Are you kidding me? 

            Across town in Centennial Park, ducks will just darn near grab the food right out of your hand.  But these pretty little ducks just sun themselves, bathe a bit, and ignore me.  Fine, I decide I will ignore them too, and take this awesome time to do some writing.  No sooner have I put pen to paper than the ducks swim right up to me.

            “Ah ha, I knew you would come get it,” I taunt them, looking around quickly, hoping no one heard me.  I toss some more bread and once again they turn up their beaks… but this time they actually swim away…

          Then I totally figure it out!  These are not normal ducks.  These are the three happiest and smartest ducks I have ever encountered.  Their creek flows in the shadow of the largest Whole Foods Market in one of the most upscale communities in our metropolitan city.   These ducks don’t eat left over convenience store breakfast biscuits.  They only eat organic!!  They never have to exercise, and I bet they don’t have a single commitment on the calendar.  

 

Okay, I know, silly story, but it made me laugh. 

We really don’t laugh as much as we should.  

The Bible says,

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22 NIV 

             Research shows that children laugh on average of 300 times a day while adults only laugh about 15 times.  When did that happen?  When exactly did we quit laughing?  Even if you have to laugh at yourself (for talking to ducks), take some time to laugh, at least a little. 

            After all, the man who figured out how to turn barefoot beach music into a multi-million dollar empire says: 

“If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.” Jimmy Buffet.

 

 

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Enlightenment, Entertainment, Inspirational, Truth, Women

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It’s Time to Leave

            There is a place I like to travel.  The first leg of the journey is sort of  fun.  It seems exciting.  And it gets my blood pumping.  It makes me feel better in the beginning because I never travel alone.   In order to take this trip, I must convince someone to come along with me.  Often times, I will have two or three travelers and we will take turns discussing all that we see.    

           It begins by packing the necessary supplies.  A little injustice goes in the luggage first.  Someone who has mistreated, taken advantage of, or manipulated me in some way becomes the primary target of the trip.  We “rake them over the coals,” then “sift them like wheat,” and if there is anything left we may “preach their funeral.”  It all seems somewhat safe at the time, because, as one of my friends jokes, “It’s okay to judge other people if you are right!”

            It happened again this week.  I wasn’t planning to travel, but I also wasn’t planning to be interrupted, inconvenienced and then imposed upon.  So, I set my sights on another trip…around The Mountain.

            You can read in the Old Testament Book of Exodus about Moses leading the Israelites around a mountain as they trekked through the desert on their way to the Promised Land.  When I hear that story, I always seem to paint myself into that picture with Moses and his wandering tribe as the one who would surely have known better than to turn an eleven day trip into a 40 year fiasco. 

            But here I am loaded down with luggage my fellow travelers and I will inevitably unpack all along the way.  And we’ve done it over and over and over again.                                                                                    

        We start with what the person did, what they said and how they were wrong.  Then we move on to how we feel, what they should have done or what they should have said.  And the further we travel, the angrier we become, the more justified we feel with our multitude of words. 

            But eventually, what some might call a conscience and others might recognize as the Holy Spirit starts to make me feel a little sick inside.  I forge forward more determined than ever to “beat this dead horse” before I have to accept it and move on.  I try to let go of the part of this trip that “no longer serves me”, but I keep on track until bedtime. 

            I get up the next day still burdened by the weight of leftover luggage.  And then I convince another person to help me unpack a little more.  But by mid-morning, there seems to be a transformation underway as my heart starts to soften, and I realize with a familiarity of sadness what I have done, AGAIN!  It brings tears to my eyes as I finally admit I have been down around this judgmental, critical, condemning, gossiping, slandering mountain one too many times.

            I want to take the next exit ramp.  I want to find the road less travelled.  I ask God to help lead me off this WILDERNESS TRAIL!  I ask for forgiveness, again, for enticing others to come along with me on this miserable journey.           

            I can’t change what happened, what was said or what was done.  But I feel certain this is no longer a place I want to travel.

Psalm 19:14 NASB

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock, and my Redeemer.”  

“You can tell you’ve created God in your own image

when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

               -Anne Lamott

 

We are escaping for a little Spring Break renewal.

A much-needed time of refreshing.

If you need a getaway but can’t seem to find the time,

I highly recommend Even God Rested by author Kim Thomas

I try to read it a couple of times a year as a reminder,

and a permission slip,

for the people pleasing person that I am, to take time for rest.

  It’s available on Amazon.    

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Enlightenment, Faith, Hope, Truth, Women

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