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It’s Time to Leave

            There is a place I like to travel.  The first leg of the journey is sort of  fun.  It seems exciting.  And it gets my blood pumping.  It makes me feel better in the beginning because I never travel alone.   In order to take this trip, I must convince someone to come along with me.  Often times, I will have two or three travelers and we will take turns discussing all that we see.    

           It begins by packing the necessary supplies.  A little injustice goes in the luggage first.  Someone who has mistreated, taken advantage of, or manipulated me in some way becomes the primary target of the trip.  We “rake them over the coals,” then “sift them like wheat,” and if there is anything left we may “preach their funeral.”  It all seems somewhat safe at the time, because, as one of my friends jokes, “It’s okay to judge other people if you are right!”

            It happened again this week.  I wasn’t planning to travel, but I also wasn’t planning to be interrupted, inconvenienced and then imposed upon.  So, I set my sights on another trip…around The Mountain.

            You can read in the Old Testament Book of Exodus about Moses leading the Israelites around a mountain as they trekked through the desert on their way to the Promised Land.  When I hear that story, I always seem to paint myself into that picture with Moses and his wandering tribe as the one who would surely have known better than to turn an eleven day trip into a 40 year fiasco. 

            But here I am loaded down with luggage my fellow travelers and I will inevitably unpack all along the way.  And we’ve done it over and over and over again.                                                                                    

        We start with what the person did, what they said and how they were wrong.  Then we move on to how we feel, what they should have done or what they should have said.  And the further we travel, the angrier we become, the more justified we feel with our multitude of words. 

            But eventually, what some might call a conscience and others might recognize as the Holy Spirit starts to make me feel a little sick inside.  I forge forward more determined than ever to “beat this dead horse” before I have to accept it and move on.  I try to let go of the part of this trip that “no longer serves me”, but I keep on track until bedtime. 

            I get up the next day still burdened by the weight of leftover luggage.  And then I convince another person to help me unpack a little more.  But by mid-morning, there seems to be a transformation underway as my heart starts to soften, and I realize with a familiarity of sadness what I have done, AGAIN!  It brings tears to my eyes as I finally admit I have been down around this judgmental, critical, condemning, gossiping, slandering mountain one too many times.

            I want to take the next exit ramp.  I want to find the road less travelled.  I ask God to help lead me off this WILDERNESS TRAIL!  I ask for forgiveness, again, for enticing others to come along with me on this miserable journey.           

            I can’t change what happened, what was said or what was done.  But I feel certain this is no longer a place I want to travel.

Psalm 19:14 NASB

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock, and my Redeemer.”  

“You can tell you’ve created God in your own image

when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

               -Anne Lamott

 

We are escaping for a little Spring Break renewal.

A much-needed time of refreshing.

If you need a getaway but can’t seem to find the time,

I highly recommend Even God Rested by author Kim Thomas

I try to read it a couple of times a year as a reminder,

and a permission slip,

for the people pleasing person that I am, to take time for rest.

  It’s available on Amazon.    

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Enlightenment, Faith, Hope, Truth, Women

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Our “To-Do” List

          There is just something so sweetly satisfying about checking items off of a “to-do” list.  It feels like tangible accomplishment and visible success.  Sometimes I start my day with a “to-do” list that includes everything from Bible study to washing the breakfast dishes to taking out the trash.  Each check mark says to me “You did it!  You have achieved something today!”  But as I go through the motions, stimulating my own self importance with tiny little check marks, I still know this is not really what it’s all about.  No matter how many times I applaud myself for putting clean sheets on the beds, dusting the den furniture or vacuuming the entire house, it’s all just a meaningless chasing after the wind.  The dust will return, usually before the day is done, the dog hair will once again accumulate in the carpet and the sink will soon fill with dirty dinner dishes.

            So, I try to set my eyes on God’s “to-do” list.  And, while I don’t always get to mark off each milestone on a piece of notebook paper, I do try to take note of how he is using me.  Sometimes, it’s an email to a friend who is having a hard day at work.  Occasionally, a call comes in from another mother who needs me to pick her children up at school.  More often than not, my husband and I will confer on a work project, trying to decide if we believe it is what God wants, or if we’ve put too much ego in it and Edged God Out.

            All throughout our days, God is using us, partnering with us, and calling on us to help accomplish his purposes, his “to-do” list.  It might not always seem like we are doing something significant.  Some of the things we are asked to do may even be irritating and test our ability to spontaneously serve where we are needed.  But if we are yielded to God’s purposes for our lives, he will give us a “to-do” list, and he will equip us to accomplish it.  

          In a world where our lives can change in an instant,  what we do for God is what will last.        

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus

to do good works, which God prepared in advance

for us to do.” 

Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

 

Can you pin point anything in your life lately that might have been on God’s “to-do” list instead of your own?

Do you find more satisfaction in accomplishing things for him than for yourself?

Sometimes it’s not whether or not God is working in our lives…but whether or not we recognize him.

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Home, Hope, Inspirational, Truth, Women

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The Word According to our Dogs

          Eight hours locked in a house without a bathroom break, ten to 12 hours in the big outdoor kennel, an hour waiting in the car, or five minutes out of sight.  Each and every time we are away from our dogs, they go crazy when we return. 

            If you ever feel unloved, just go get a dog.  They will love you with complete abandon.  It doesn’t matter what you have done to them, where you have left them, how you yelled at them or the last time you fed them, each encounter is met with unconditional, anxious, excited love.

            Jesus said in Matthew 22:37 that the greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all  your mind.”  We are in essence, gods to our dogs.  We are their masters.  They totally exhibit the kind of love I believe Jesus is describing.

            If we really admit to ourselves that all good things come from him, that everything we are and everything we hope to be is from his hand, how could we not just lavish our love on Him?  Sure, he sometimes pulls his presence back a bit, he leads us into the wilderness on occasion, he disciplines us and refines us, but he never fails to provide for us or love us right where we are. 

            Everything he does for us is for our good to draw us closer to him, to seek his hand of favor.  And isn’t that what our dogs want from us…our hand of favor?

            Of course, after a romp in the woods, returning home covered in “stick-tights”… much like us, and our own messes, they are mostly just looking for a little mercy!

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Hope, Inspirational, Love, Truth, Women

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A Soft Place to Fall

         

 

          Five women squeezed into the little silver car exchanging names and niceties.  Everyone was eager to arrive at the destination, though slightly apprehensive, not knowing exactly what to expect.  It would be a couple of hours on the road with nothing more than a bag of vegetable chips and five bottles of water, so ultimately the conversation was bound to develop.  Once we moved beyond careers, kids, and spouses, we settled into much more serious stories.

            I remember well the woman sitting next to me talking about how her childhood had been tarnished by teenage brothers and their friends.  Boys with a desire to love, but no idea what to do about their lust, had taken advantage of her in the worst ways.  It was clear, her painful past had followed her into the future, as she made choices she later couldn’t change.  A teenage pregnancy led to an abortion, and despite being the mother of several children now, she had never been able to let that earlier decision go.  She was on this journey hoping to find peace with it, hoping to lay that burden down.

            The woman in the backseat on the far right had struggled all her adult life with infertility.  Finally, the adoption of two little boys promised to be the answer to her prayers.  But the boys had been abused before they came into her life and no one had ever been able to help them deal with those demons.  Their brokenness opened up some dark places in her husband’s past, and before she knew what was happening, she was divorced and her family destroyed.  She was coming along to escape the loneliness and find a soft place to fall.

            Then there was the woman in the back middle seat who seemed to have it all together.  She was thin, beautiful, and wealthy and wore the cutest clothes.  She had two teenagers and a very successful husband.  No one would have ever known, if she had not spoken up, that this man she married was controlling, abusive, narcissistic and her worst nightmare.  She had only confided in one other woman; but, just prior to this particular weekend, she decided she was tired of hiding.

            When we arrived at our destination, a wonderful weekend retreat, there were even more battle weary women with similar stories.  Women from all over the world, together in one place, to listen, learn, pray and participate in all God had planned for them.  No criticizing, no judging, no condemnation.  It was a place where no one had to hide, where many burdens were laid at Jesus’ feet, unconditional love was extended and everyone found a soft place to fall.

            It’s been a few years since I met those women, but I thought of them again this weekend at a similar retreat.  The words that remain in my mind this morning, the words some of these women use to describe their own lives are:

Abused…Neglected…Rejected…Failure…Deceived…

even Door Mat.

          We have all made mistakes or been the victim of someone else’s destructive decisions.  We can carry those burdens and compare ourselves to others, hoping somehow something worse will make us feel better about ourselves, or we can lay it all down and find a soft place to fall.      

Psalm 34:18 (NASB) 

“The Lord is near to the broken-hearted

And saves those who are crushed in Spirit.”

Maybe a women’s retreat is not your style.  Maybe you are not at all comfortable telling another woman what you have been through.  But God is always listening and he already knows anyway; so why not just let go and let him carry your burden? 

He will show you the way! 

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Faith, Hope, Love, Truth, Women

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Just for Fun

             How old are you?  Seriously…not in calendar years….not from the day you were born…how old are you really…in your head?  When did your mind quit getting older and just stop and let your body run on ahead?  If you are stumped and have no idea what I’m talking about, I’ll give you a hint how you might figure this out.  I am about to be 50.  But sometime around the age of 23, just out of college, I refused to get any older.  I was young, free, finally out on my own and well, I liked where I was, and saw no reason to move beyond it. 

            I know I am not the only one.  I ask people all the time how old they are and how old they really feel.  My mom is 73 but feels 40.  At 55 my oldest sister still feels 24, my other sister is 52 but  thinks of herself as being 35.  My friends are Beth 48 but really 25, Kay 58 but 30 in her head and Kim at 45 feels 31 but won’t mind my saying she often acts ten.   My friend Suzie (she knows who she is) wishes to remain anonymous.  But at 45 feels 20 years younger.

            Marny, on the other hand, is an old soul.  When she was just 19, she felt 40.  A really challenging childhood puts it in perspective.  While I’m one of the oldest among my friends, I am the youngest in my head.  I’m sure they would all agree, I often act the most childish.

            My son’s guitar teacher is 54 but looks and feels 25.  And finally, a woman waiting on us at a local restaurant the other night, was dreading her 30th birthday arriving without a husband and kids.  But when I asked her how old she felt, she said 19.  So see, there’s still plenty of time.

            Last year, I got to go on a Caribbean cruise with my 23-year-old niece.  How perfect could it be?  I may have a few more laugh lines around my mouth, a few gray hairs under my highlights and cellulite that just can not be mine, but she and I are mental equals.  At times on the cruise, you might have thought she was actually older. 

            Maybe it’s healthy living, more exercise or better access to medical care…or maybe it’s a glimpse into our eternal future.  You’ve probably heard people ponder how we will recognize each other in heaven.  Will we be like the angels? 

            I just wonder how old we will be and if my new glorified body will be 23? 

“Our citizenship is in heaven.  And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”

Philippians 3: 20-21

How old are you?  Really? Seriously? You can tell me! 🙂

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Hope, Inspirational, Women

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Love

     “Will you die for him? WILL YOU DIE FOR HIM?”

            The words were meant to be remembered by anyone watching the 1988 movie The Seventh Sign.  Actress Demi Moore, playing a mother desperate to give birth, is faced with having to give her life for the life of her child.  In the agony of “life versus love” she reaches out her hand to touch the tip of the baby’s finger…and he lives. 

            Love is what keeps us sane and drives us crazy.  Love is at the root of all sacrifice: Giving up something you love, for something you love more.  Love was at the heart of all creation and is the very essence and existence of our God.

            I thought I knew love as a child, loving my parents, grandparents, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.  Then as a teenager I thought love might kill me as I loved with an innocent heart and love was not returned.  When I fell in love with my husband, I discovered the definition of a true soul mate.  But when I gave birth to my son, a love took control of my heart like I could not fathom would ever exist.  It was and is a gentle, tearful, ferocious love that changed the very core of my being.  Would I die for him?  I hope I never have to.  But, would I die for him?  Yes I would!

            If you’ve experienced that kind of love you know what I mean.  If you have never felt love that intense, you are not alone.  There are women all over the world who know exactly how you feel. And they hurt just as you do.  But there is still someone who sees your heart and wants to give you the unconditional love you may have never had.  Would he die for you?  He already did.  Much like the movie, he reached out his hands in the final showdown of “life versus love”.  Now all you have to do is let him touch you…and you will live.   

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

1 Corinthians 13: 4-6 (NIV)

The same God who loves his girls, gives us chocolate. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! Make it the day you want it to be! 

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Hope, Inspirational, Love, Truth, Women

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The Less I Say

               A Tahoe packed to the top, with suitcases and ski gear, is where I first heard one of the most profound and best pieces of advice.   

We were on our way to the Canadian Rockies and had begged my father-in-law to come along with us.  His wife of 63 years had died two years earlier and we felt like it was time for him to live again.

            He seemed quite excited when the trip first started, riding shotgun in the big SUV, but after several hours on the road he was silent.  I’m sitting way in the very back, third seat on the right, and I’m thinking his silence is not a good sign.  I’m wondering if maybe he’s sad or even sorry that he let us talk him into this long trip.  So, never at a loss for words myself, I decide to ask. 

 He quickly responds: 

“The less I say, the less I have to give account for.” 

            Well…WOW…that shoved some more silence right across the great expanse of seats.  It was followed by nervous laughter as our minds raced back over all our conversations.   If you are religious or consider yourself spiritual, you might recognize some biblical implications.  But if not, let me just venture to speculate how this one little quote could be a life changing  piece of advice for all of us.

            Let’s see…the less I say…what, like when I’m angry?  Well, sometimes, when I’m upset I say things that are mean or hurtful, frequently using words that are somewhat short of factual, words like always or never.  And, in the end, if I choose to make amends, I must apologize. Thus, I have been held accountable.

            Okay, then, what about the less I say when I have a new rumor in my repertoire of words?  I really try not to, but maybe you know how hard it can be not to pass on word of friction in the family, a fight among friends, or perchance a real dramatic tale all discreetly disguised in a prayer request.  The less I say, the sooner the talk dies down.  Or, what if I’m wrong and I’m found guilty of spreading gossip?  There will, by all means, be an accounting.

            And then there is the less I say about my son who, at age thirteen, completely recoils when he hears his mother gearing up for a full-blown play-by-play of something funny he did or something he said.  He didn’t seem to mind his life being put on display for the amusement of friends, family or total strangers when he was a toddler…not even as a young boy.  But now, for some reason, at age thirteen, he seems to want ME to be seen and not heard.  Wait, isn’t this backwards?  I thought that’s what MY parents said about KIDS.  Now, for some reason what I say frequently leads to “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” thus an accounting of the most painful parenting type.

            Let’s see… “The less I say, the less I have to give account for.”  It is a new day and a new age where words aren’t just out there in the spoken variety.  Now you can engage in a rapid email response, tap out a text, fib on Facebook, blab on your Blackberry or even become irate on your iPhone.  Sometimes you slide by and no one takes offense…but. more times than I care to count, at least in my own life, I’ve paid a price for the lack of wisdom in my words.

            Almost every day I think to myself “I wish I hadn’t said that.”  But every day since that eye-opening encounter, I move a little bit closer to saying less!     

“He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles.”

Proverbs 21:23 (NAS)

  Do you ever wish you could take back what you just said 

or the words you just sent?

 Log back in on  Valentine’s Day for LOVE of course. 🙂

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Faith, Hope, Inspirational, Truth, Women

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I AM WOMAN

             It was at that somewhat less than sane age of 16 when my parents decided on the big “D.”  My precious mother had tried desperately to balance raising her girls with weird working hours and being a wonderful wife.  But plate spinning can consume you; you lose focus on the fire, and when it goes out…well…he had already moved on.

            So there I was sixteen and certain I would never be found in such a precarious situation.  I would be A New Woman and quickly subscribed to (the now defunct) magazine to prove it.  Friends, fun and a fast paced career were all I needed for my coming out party.

              “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!” 

            Anyone who didn’t believe me need only be around for mere moments to hear my opinions on everything from politics to religion, marriage and divorce, white or wheat and on I chartered the course.  It was a good life!!  After I scrimped my way through college, paying a lot of dues and climbing the ladder one step at a time…came the condo, the car, and the critical acclaim…yes, I was truly living in the moment.  And I still advise other young women to do the same.  At the time it was fun and  fulfilling. 

            But something happened along the way…something I guess I had to see from the outside looking in.  My stainless steel and bullet proof living led me to places where I saw the real results of living alone-away from the pack-unprotected-unsheltered-unloved-and unwanted.  My heart began to change…ever so slowly…and really without my knowledge (otherwise I would have gone kicking and screaming) God began to give me a new heart.

            Then suddenly I found myself barreling into one of my best work days and it seemed the force field was gone.  I was married and eight months pregnant.  I literally stood still, looked around me, realized how vulnerable this little life would be and I was certain then and there that the season was changing.

            I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME NOW! 

            Despite what happened to my mom, I did discover you can have it all.  At 16-years-old I set out to see as much as I could see, do as much as I could do.  And I did!  I have had it all, at this point in my life, but I haven’t had it all at the same time.

            I’m no longer free and single but I have a loving, adoring husband who wants to come home every night.   I no longer have the condo, but my favorite place in the entire world is the front porch swing of our little brick house.  I don’t have the sports car but the SUV can carry much of what my children accumulate.  I don’t have the fast paced career but I get to freelance for fun.  And now, I willingly give up any pursuit of fortune or fame for this priceless time with my family.  I am just as much of a woman, though possibly more powerful, if it really is true that “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”      And, don’t get me wrong, I still have plenty of things I really want to do; so I believe God has more in store on the other side of this season.  Fame and fortune may still hunt me down and take me by force, but for right now…

            I AM WOMAN, HERE I AM! J   

 

** Where are you?  Are you satisfied with this season of your life?  Did you choose family first and maybe now it’s time to pursue the career you’ve always wanted?  Where would you like God to lead you? **

  

“In their hearts

humans plan their course

but the Lord establishes their steps”

 

Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)

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Hope, Inspirational, Truth, Women

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