A Place for All Women

Posts tagged ‘Fear’

As I Walk through the Valley on Shadow

There’s a line between wisdom and insanity that gets blurred, every time anyone willingly comes into Shadow trail ridecontact with Shadow.  He’s a kind, loving and obedient boy, but make a move he’s not expecting, and he’ll
Shadow head shotsnort, bolt and run.  He’s the ultimate contradiction.  A “kid broke” horse that kids can’t ride.

We love him. He’s beautiful.  He’s a gentle herd leader. And he is truly something to see when he reaches top speed running across the Shadow boltpasture.  But trust him?  Not a chance!  He doesn’t just spook, he spooks at the same things sometimes, not at all other times.  When you expect him to spook, he doesn’t; and when you don’t expect it, he does.  You can never be sure.

Shadow supposedly had lots of training before we bought him, and we were told he had worked at a kid’s camp for years.  So, given that we were looking for a “kid broke” horse and he was ebony black and beautiful, we bought him.  Paid money.  From our perspective, quite a bit of money (relative to the budget) and we confidently brought him home to join our other (free) horses.  They’re the ones that haven’t had much training, but can likely walk through a war zone with only a slight tremble or twitch. Shadow will run from his own lead rope.Shadow Dad's saddle

It’s fear, plain and simple.  We’re not sure why or what his history might be.  He is a registered Tennessee Walker, with a long lineage of family champions, and there’s a strange little quirk about him when he sort of bounces up high before he trots; but what his early life must have been like before us is an unknown. Shadow tarp  What we do know is he is very afraid…not always… and not on any recognizable timetable… as best we can tell.  It’s more like the movie, Groundhog Day.  What he learns not to fear today, he will freak out over tomorrow.

And, this is why I now think we may all be just like him.

In an attempt to get Shadow some help from someone other than myself; I was making a video to submit to a master horse trainer, showing Shadow’s sporadic spooky behavior.  As I was explaining how Shadow can be desensitized to scary objects one day, but is afraid of the same objects another day, the realization of what I was saying was not at all something I wanted to see in myself.  But, unfortunately I think it’s true.

I get afraid.  God calms my fears.  I realize there was no reason to be afraid.  And, then, confronted with the same things that scared me before, I’m afraid again.  This is an agonizing epiphany.  We worry Shadow at pondabout Shadow.  We stress over Shadow.  We don’t understand Shadow.  We make fun of Shadow.  And, yet, he’s a walking, talking testimony of what we need to work on in our own lives.

Let’s take money and bills for example, because that’s one of “my things” that causes me great fear.  I’m afraid of a bill we can’t pay.  God provides, as he tells us over and over in His Word that he will.  The bill gets paid. I’m no longer afraid.
Then another bill comes.  I look at our account and there’s not enough money to pay it.  But, it comes due and somehow (thank you, God) it gets paid.  I’m no longer afraid. Until…

Shadow walking on tarpMaybe it’s not money for you. Maybe you’re afraid of your mother-in-law…maybe it’s your boss…you’re afraid your husband is going to cheat on you even though he never has and never will…maybe you’re afraid to fly even though you’ve always landed safely.  Yet, that SAME fear keeps coming back again and again.  Shadow is a shining example of what happens.  He’s supposed to be Shadow and Bobbya “kid broke” horse and yet he can’t live out the life that was intended for him, because fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) has rendered him incapable.

Shadow saddleYou may have heard this before, but fear is the topic most often addressed in the Bible.  Our fear is no surprise to God. He knew this was going to happen.  He prepared all these many verses for us.  Right now, I’m thinking, “If Shadow could only read,” but the fact is, I can read, and I have read the verses and it would probably help me to go read them again.Shadow tarp on head

There is always going to be a bill coming due.  And, until I learn not to be afraid the next time, God is going to have to desensitize me to it this time.  He often turns up the heat until we can handle the pressure.  Remember the Israelites 40 year journey around an eleven-mile mountain? God wants to get us where he wants us to go, more than we want to get where we want to go.  But, we have to be willing to give up our unhealthy relationship with fear.  Fear is an enemy intended to keep us from fulfilling our intended purpose.

We’re still trying to teach Shadow, but maybe now it’s just time to stop for a minute and learn from him.  We can bolt and run, or we can hide under the shelter of God’s wings, and in doing so, be reminded that First John 4:18 says there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear.

After all, a shadow is just an obstruction from THE LIGHT!

Shadow herd leader

Who knew more about fear than David the shepherd boy?

 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever!

 Psalm 23

 

 Learning to turn away from the crooked road of fear

will lead us straight to the gateway of freedom.

Shadow and the tarp

© Copyright 2015, KeziahCarrie.  All Rights Reserve

Just Keep Breathing

Keep Breathing 1

The wilderness is dry and dusty

                 The heat almost unbearable…                   

The desire for nourishment insatiable…

For water, unquenchable…

Just Breath 7

 The sun peaks through the clouds.

But just as quickly, it slips back in again.

There is hope.

But not every day…

Just keep breathing 9

 Fear hovers like a repetitive nightmare.

Stealing what little peace sleep might bring.

Worry wears down the defenses and erodes its lifeline.

Guilt begins to guide.

Just Breath 5

 The loneliness is confusing.

The temptations torturing…

The soul wrestles for freedom.

Knowledge knows this won’t last.

Wisdom calls out for rescue.

Faith falls on its face again and again.

Just Breath 6

 The winds pick up.

A storm rolls in.

The rain beats down.

And there is silence.

 Tears leave traces of resisting and submitting.

Laying it down and picking it up…

Choosing…

Choosing again…

The struggle weighs its odds…

And makes one last stand.

 

The weary can go no further.

And there will certainly be no compromise.

But, things have already been worked out.

Prepared in advance…

A plan falls into place.

Keep Breathing 2

 There is no earthquake, fire or flood.

Just a still small voice…

A lamp for the feet…

A light for the path…

Just Breath 8

 And the wanderer is mercifully extradited from the wilderness.

 All that was held so tightly…

Just fades away…

 When eyes that could not see…

 Finally turn toward The Promised Land!

Just Breath 4

   There is something you are going through right now…something you are about to encounter…something you have already experienced.  It may not be as bad as what your friends or family are facing, but it is your burden to bear, your cross to carry, your test to undertake.  No matter what it is, no matter how you hurt, no matter how lost you might feel, our God is still faithful.   Nothing in all creation is hidden from his sight, no matter where your feet are about to walk. 

He will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you. 

Just keep breathing because even when you don’t see it or feel it,  

help is on the way. 

I know this to be true, because I just came out of the wilderness,

and believe me, it wasn’t my first walk.

During the times I thought I could take no more,

this song reminded me just how much I needed Him and still need him NOW!

 “Before you ever get a problem, God has your deliverance planned.”

~Joyce Meyer

 “In the fourteenth chapter of John’s gospel a puzzled Thomas says to Jesus, ‘Lord, we do not know where you are going.  How can we know the way?’ Jesus answers him with no small boldness: “I am the way…” (John 14:6)

~Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick

 Happy New Year! 

I hope you are off to a good start and that you will continue to seek the will of God.  Our will and our way often lead us down the wrong road.

  If you would like to get an email when there’s a new post just click the little box at the top of the right column.  There’s no set schedule for publishing so I’m happy to send you a note.  Thanks so  much for everyone’s support and to all the subscribers.

 It’s a journey that often requires another start.

🙂

© Copyright 2013, KeziahCarrie.  All Rights Reserved

%d bloggers like this: